“The fact that man knows right from wrong proves his intellectual superiority to the other creatures; but the fact that he can do wrong proves his moral inferiority to any creature that cannot.”

“There isn't time — so brief is life — for bickerings, apologies, heartburnings, callings to account. There is only time for loving — and but an instant, so to speak, for that.”

“Fame is a vapor; popularity an accident; the only earthly certainty is oblivion.”

“Education consists mainly in what we have unlearned.”

“You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.”

“Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, but your government only when it deserves it.”

“Our new Constitution is now established, and has an appearance that promises permanency; but in this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.”

“The old believe everything; the middle-aged suspect everything; the young know everything.”

“Men marry because they are tired; women because they are curious. Both are disappointed.”

“Oh, Diamond! Diamond! thou little knowest what mischief thou hast done!”

“I have no idea. People who boast about their IQ are losers.”

“Life would be tragic if it weren't funny.”