“There is much pleasure to be gained from useless knowledge.”

“The fundamental cause of the trouble is that in the modern world the stupid are cocksure while the intelligent are full of doubt.”

“The point of philosophy is to start with something so simple as not to seem worth stating, and to end with something so paradoxical that no one will believe it.”

“The method of "postulating" what we want has many advantages; they are the same as the advantages of theft over honest toil.”

“To realise the unimportance of time is the gate of wisdom.”

“Men fear thought as they fear nothing else on earth – more than ruin, more even than death.”

“Our new Constitution is now established, and has an appearance that promises permanency; but in this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.”

“When in doubt, tell the truth.”

“The old believe everything; the middle-aged suspect everything; the young know everything.”

“Men marry because they are tired; women because they are curious. Both are disappointed.”

“Oh, Diamond! Diamond! thou little knowest what mischief thou hast done!”

“I have no idea. People who boast about their IQ are losers.”